I need somewhere to get things of my chest and I decided this is it. This could get a bit deep so be warned.
On 19th July I have to go to court to see if our mortgage company will be granted permission to take back our flat!
OH was made redundant when I started Mat leave and we have never fully caught back up. We have tried he is now working as a sub-contractor and has contracted himself out. He works 4 days a week with collage on one day at the moment. He is on good money just not good enough. I work two evenings a week and one day of a weekend every other week with the odd extra shift depending on child care.
Because I am UN-willing set up a monthly direct debit (our wages are different each month and I really need to keep track on in-comings and outgoings) they have decided on court action. I have been calling and paying what I can weekly but they are not happy with this. My OH is so blasé about it all I am trying to sort out some sort of legal advice for us as well as getting the flat on the market before the court date so hopefully they will let us sell it ourselves which is all we want!!
So at the moment due to painting and decorating going on in the flat which cannot be done with a 15month old in residence quickly I am at my MIL's house (read my very first post for more info!!) Now if the flat is repossessed I am shit scared that I am going to end up stuck there indefinitely so I've been frantically putting our names down on the housing association lists and panicking as we cant afford to rent anywhere without some financial help that we cant apply for until we move into somewhere. This is fine but then if we don't qualify for help we are again stuck somewhere we cant afford. Catch 22 really.
Now you could label me as a scrounger because I'm doing this and admitting I will need some financial help for a while; but I work and I pay tax and national insurance so this really is not the case. The thing is OH is so laid back about the whole thing he refuses to help with the bills and mortgage as he says if they are going to take it anyway whats the point. MIL just keeps going on about us going bankrupt. She has no idea what this entails and I have tried to explain .My best friend deals with bankruptcy so i discussed it all with her and decided its not the road I want to take. Still MIL goes on about it to me and also to anyone else in the family that will listen! Oh God shoot me now!!!!
I'm making myself ill worrying about all of this and I feel so stressed I feel like I'm not being a good mum either. I have no energy or inclination to do anything which is so wrong on many levels. I try my hardest to go out during the day if only for a walk to keep my daughter amused and happy but I really feel like I'm failing.
I feel I would be better as a single mum and cut loose on a relationship that I really don't think is working any more, after 10 years I admit I'm scared to be alone and what if no-one will want me again?!! On the other hand when things are good it's fab and I love him. I'm hoping after all this is over and I know where we stand with regards to the fat and our living situation maybe being a bit more relaxed in myself things may be different. It cant all be his fault god knows I can be difficult and highly strung at times.
The other thing getting me down is my weight. I know lots of mums are saying the same thing and are on diets and trying to loose the baby weight which is fab but my baby is over a year old I should have done that already.
I'm going the let you into the extent of my problem all 256.6 Ilbs of it!! Yes you heard right!!! Now i'm tall so can get away with a bit of extra weight and I've always had a bit of a belly but after a c-section and 9months of pregnancy I have this apron of FAT that just hangs and this is the bit I hate. I can see how big I have got and I hate it but I don't know where to start with it all. I'm going to try the Dukan Diet and see how I go but I am worried that the no carb's element is going to cause me problems as it is carb's that give you energy and aid growth etc and with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome I need all the energy I can get!!
I feel a bit better for getting all this off my chest to people who hopefully wont judge me and how I decide to do things. I am just so tired, stressed and I think a little depressed. Now that was hard to admit.
Chin up Kelly at least i'm mainly healthy and I have a beautiful daughter to make me smile everyday in so many ways. *sheds a tear or 10*
Wednesday 6 July 2011
Sunday 12 June 2011
For My Daughter
I never knew what I should do.
My life was meaningless till you.
Coming by you was hard to do.
We very nearly lost you too.
We spend our days just you and me,
Playing, laughing, tickling feet.
Your beautiful smile makes me soar,
Hugs you give leave me wanting more.
Your my little ray of sun,
My beautiful baby MADISON!!
Madison,
You are and will always be the best thing I have ever done. Your perfect in every way to me and no matter where life takes me or you I am and will always be here for you when you need me and sometimes when you don't.
The day you came into this world was the day I truly started living. You brighten my life every single day with your cheeky smile and determined nature. Watching you learn and work
things out for yourself is the most amazing thing I have ever been privalidged to witness. You are beautiful, smart and headstrong and I love this about you.
Everyone you come into contact with is instantly drawn to you and under your spell. Your charming and smiley and I love you more than words can express.
Remember always you can come to me about anything I'm not here to judge I'm here to help and guide you and will do so the best I know how. Mistakes will be made by both you and I but remember we are both only human.
I will love you always with all of my being.
Mummy
xx
My life was meaningless till you.
Coming by you was hard to do.
We very nearly lost you too.
We spend our days just you and me,
Playing, laughing, tickling feet.
Your beautiful smile makes me soar,
Hugs you give leave me wanting more.
Your my little ray of sun,
My beautiful baby MADISON!!
Madison,
You are and will always be the best thing I have ever done. Your perfect in every way to me and no matter where life takes me or you I am and will always be here for you when you need me and sometimes when you don't.
The day you came into this world was the day I truly started living. You brighten my life every single day with your cheeky smile and determined nature. Watching you learn and work
things out for yourself is the most amazing thing I have ever been privalidged to witness. You are beautiful, smart and headstrong and I love this about you.
Everyone you come into contact with is instantly drawn to you and under your spell. Your charming and smiley and I love you more than words can express.
Remember always you can come to me about anything I'm not here to judge I'm here to help and guide you and will do so the best I know how. Mistakes will be made by both you and I but remember we are both only human.
I will love you always with all of my being.
Mummy
xx
Monday 23 May 2011
Birth Story
Madison was due on 28th February. We did not know if our baby was a girl or a boy and although I was scared about labour I was also really exited about the whole thing. I wanted lights low, music playing, as few people as possible in the room, immediate skin to skin contact and breast feeding. What I got was something entirely different. I still feel now I missed out on something and struggle with my feelings about Madison's birth. If I get a second chance I would love to have a vaginal delivery. This is my birth story.
Saturday 6th March 2010 - As soon as the shops opened I sent Rob for a TEN's machine. I spent all day with 'pains' and was only coping by having the TEN's machine to concentrate on. The boost button was no good so with every 'pain' I was turning the power on the TEN's machine up to full by hand. I cannot count the number of times Rob had to re-stick the pads onto me. Later that night I once again attempted to sleep and the 'pains' reached the point where I was not coping and they were close together so we once again called the maternity unit. I was asked to come in which I did having 'pains' all the way there. Once there I was given gas and air which was pure heaven and really what I needed. I finally felt safe and comfortable. I was examined and yes; you guessed it still 1-2cm no change from Friday night after a full day of 'pains'!! I was asked if I had taken a hot bath to which my reply was 'No' (our bath was too small for me to cover my bump so was no help) I was put into the bath at the maternity unit and managed 15 minutes tops as the the 'pains' were really bad and I was not coping. I got out and went back to the room I had been allocated to use the gas and air. At this point the midwife came in and told me they will not keep me in as I was not in 'established labour' and that I had to go home. Rob and I were practically escorted from the unit with me in floods of tears and having 'pains' the whole way out. Rob was beside himself and didnt know how best to help and I was in such a state not coping with the pain and so so tired. I was scared and felt totally alone with no help or reassurance from the midwife team.
Sunday 7th March 2010 - Tried to get some sleep in the early hours of the morning to no avail. About 5pm after another full day of 'pains' my mum came round. We are very close and she was worried because she had not heard from me. As far as I was concerned I was now in the full throws of labour but lets say I was having some bloody painful 'pains' I was so pleased to see my mum and I asked her to stay with me (she is a nurse and I finally felt safe!) she checked with Rob that he was happy for her to stay; he was more than willing to let her take over (he went and had a few tears so I'm told, he felt so useless) to cut a long story short my mum walked me through a number of hours full of 'pains' which were gradually getting a lot stronger and closer together. I wonder now what the neighbours must have thought as I was not quiet. My mum rubbed my back, kept me calm, made me drink and eat to keep my energy up. The whole time this was happening I kept telling her that I thought the 'pains' were not anything and that the midwives will come and tell me I haven't progressed and leave me again. Mum of course reassured me the 'pains' must be doing something to be that strong.
After my mum and I had decided the 'pains' were strong enough and close enough to warrant calling the unit my mum did. After the call was made the contractions dissapeared so I was running up and down our stairs to try and bring them back on. They sent a midwife and student midwife out to our flat (I think so they didn't have to send me home again!) It was the same midwife I had seen the Saturday night (who had escorted me off the premises), her first words were ''We thought you would have had this baby by now'' (one of the many signs something was not right) Whilst the midwife was with me the 'pains' were steadily building back up. She took my blood pressure which was slightly high but not worryingly high . She examined me and yes you guessed it still 1-2cm not moved from Saturday night (was the same midwife). They stayed with me at the request of their superior at the unit. The 'pains' built up and were coming back to back with no break in-between. As my blood pressure was to high for the midwife led unit the hospital was called as I had requested pain relief. I was then told they were to busy to have me in and was wanted me to stay at home until early Monday morning about 4 hours away! At this point my mum lost it with the midwife and said ''If this was your daughter in this much pain where would you want her to be, you cant leave her again with no pain relief'' (my mum can be a scary lady) the midwife sheepily made a call to the unit and then told us if I can rest in-between contractions and get my blood pressure low enough they would take me in and give me pethadine. I ended up saying some choice words before I had a massive nose bleed, my blood pressure had gone through the roof and the midwife begrudgingly said 'well your going to have to go into the hospital now arent you' and made the call for them to expect me.
My mum put me in a kaftan (i was naked up until this point lol) and I walked out of the house in my trainers with a duvet round me. I sat in the back passengers foot well leaning over the back seat while my mum rubbed my back to ease the contractions. I've never been so thankful for Robs speedy driving. When we got to the hospital my mum and I got out and went in while Rob parked the car.
At this point it is now the very early hours of Monday 8th March 2010 (00.00am) .We rang the bell and they took ages to answer I remember saying to my mum that if they dont let me in soon i'm laying down in this corridor and not moving. I was taken through to a room and given gas and air (I was a bit spaced out and silly on this). Finally I was almost pain free the midwife asked if she could strap a monitor to me and I said something like 'I've got pain reief now do what you like'. I was attached to a monitor and they put a needle in my hand for a drip (im needle phobic lol). Rob had joined us by now and I said to my mum 'they cant send me home now I've got this in my hand can they, I cant go home again' she told me she would do her best to make sure they didnt send me home.
So i'm on a bed; Rob one side mum the other and every time I have a 'pain' I can hear the monitor of babies heartbeat slowing almost to a stop. I can see my mum is concerned so I started to hold my breath for every contraction and wiggle my feet like mad until I heard the babies heartbeat come back up. People keep coming in and out looking at the monitor and finally an internal monitor is used which attaches to babys head as they wanted a better reading. Finally it was confirmed I was actually in labour so I can now officially call the 'pains' contractions. The midwife and consultant kept saying they wanted to break my waters but there was always something stopping the doing it 'we want to break your waters BUT....' in the end my mum said to the midwife 'if her water needs breaking just do it and stop putting it off' so my waters were broken, they were pure mechonium no water in sight, now we all knew that was a sign of distress and with that and the monitor readings I was worried. I remember asking my mum while a bit high on the G&A if my baby was going to die? I dont remember her answer or if she even gave one.
I was examined and was 4cm dilated. Finally I had made some progress!! All this time I had been puffing away on gas and air and had already got through 2 large canisters. I was on the 3rd when the contractions kicked up a notch and gas and air just wasnt cutting it so I called for a epidural. I was given a sheet to read about risks etc which I scanned the midwife laughed and said I needed to read it properly so I did and signed to say I wanted it. Then another wait with excuses as to why it was taking so long. unbeknown to me mum had another word with the midwife and low and behold I was next on her list for an epidural lol.
They sat me up and put the epidural in stopping for contractions along the way. I remember hearing tthe monitor drop more that it had before and the midwife saying 'oh we have a very exited baby here' and then being led back down to try and get baby's heart rate back up. The aneathatist was warning them against lying me down as it can make epidural travel up towards lungs instead of down to legs.
What happend next is a bit of a blur. My mum had yet more words to the effect of 'whats the dfference between exited and distressed this baby needs out now!' the Dr in charge came in looked at the monitor and told the anethatist to put the whole dose of aneastetic in. I was stripped off, shaved and put in a gown within minutes. The midwfe visually sized Rob up and got him bright blue scrubs, heeled shoes and a yellow hat. The next thing I know im in theatre. I was told if I was not fully numb by the time we got to theatre I wuld be knocked out compeatly for the caesarean. They used a cold spary up each leg to check I was numb and a screen was put up acress my chest so I couldnt see the buisness end. I had one arm out straight and one by my side and the aneathatist was checking my blood pressure and trying to relax me. Rob was at my side I a minute and then the operation began.
My baby was out within minutes and we were told she was a girl, we were both convinced I was having a boy but I was over the moon. Robs eyes were watering; apparently he had something in his eye lol. My baby was not making any noise and I was asking if she was OK. Rob was blocking my view of what was happening and would not let me see. Finally we heard our baby girl cry. I only found out after that she was not breathing due to injesting meconium anf that they couldnt suction her because it wasn't working (I was fuming this should be checked before I was even opened up!) I was offered my baby to hold but my arms were so shaky I declined and she was handed to Rob who sat proudly beside me with his daughter so I could see her and stroke her cheek. All too soon they were sent out while I was stitched up and cleaned a bit. I remember talk of the soaps from the theatre staff but not much else. I have an image of the bed used though it tips side to side and I remember being so scare they would tip me off lol.
I was then wheeled into recovery and my baby was put to the breast. I was so tired I dint pay any attention to her at all she was just there. Im getting emotional now remembering it. They wouldn't let me dress her as her temp was high so they kept her in just a nappy and her cute pink hat. When I was told I could dress her I said 'you do it' and just held her up to mum and Rob (I feel so awful saying that was what happened but I was so so tired) We had two names short-listed which were.... Lydia and Madison I told Rob to choose and name his daughter. We agreed she didn't look like a Lydia so Madison finally had her name.
A nurse came round and washed my 'bits' and let me have a wash and clean my teeth. I had no knickers on still just a pad thrust between my legs as I couldn't get out of bed due to the epidural. My bags and Madison were loaded onto the bed and I was taken up to the ward. A few hours later a nurse came and took out the cathater (standard with a c-section) and got me out of bed. I was taken to the bathroom sat on a bede (bum washer lol) and told to wash myself and replace my pad and have a proper wash. I was not allowed a shower yet because I was only just up and walking!
I spent the day with Rob and Madison just relaxing and getting to know my daughter. My dad, his partner and my brother came in at afternoon visiting to meet the new additon. Robs parents, sister and my mum and her partner along with my grandparents and step grandparents came in the evening. I had so many gifts and lots of pink much to Robs delight.
The above video is one I have not shown many people i'm a bit embarassed how little attention I pay to my newborn daughter but it's clear to see how tired I was. It made me feel a little better when I saw this as I thought I had totally ignored her but I do speak to her.
Throughout my whole pregnancy and my labour I felt totally let down by the professionals. I have been told I would be able to try for a Vaginal delivery if i decide to have a second baby but I would be classed as a 'high-risk'. when a compliant was made about the three days I was left in pain I was told I was having a long latent phase. If this was correct then surly I would not have ended up with a emergency caesarean?! I guess I will never know as no-one will claim responsibility for the treatment I received. As a first time mum I was scared and trusting those people who were there to make me feel safe and secure.
 |
| The last picture of me pregnant |
Friday 5th March 2010 - Five days overdue very fed up having slight pains. A sweep was booked for 6pm which went really well I was 1-2cm ripe and ready. After the sweep I was having more intense 'pains' and before I left the maternity unit the midwife said she thought I would be back later that night. I went home and tried to sleep but the 'pains' were coming thick and fast. We started timing them and called the maternity unit about 2am. I was told to come in so they could look me over. I was coping with the 'pains' and when examined was still 1-2cm. I was asked if I felt able to go home, take paracetamol and get a bit further along before I came back. This was fine by me so we went home. I took some paracetamol and tried to rest, actual sleep was just not possible.
Saturday 6th March 2010 - As soon as the shops opened I sent Rob for a TEN's machine. I spent all day with 'pains' and was only coping by having the TEN's machine to concentrate on. The boost button was no good so with every 'pain' I was turning the power on the TEN's machine up to full by hand. I cannot count the number of times Rob had to re-stick the pads onto me. Later that night I once again attempted to sleep and the 'pains' reached the point where I was not coping and they were close together so we once again called the maternity unit. I was asked to come in which I did having 'pains' all the way there. Once there I was given gas and air which was pure heaven and really what I needed. I finally felt safe and comfortable. I was examined and yes; you guessed it still 1-2cm no change from Friday night after a full day of 'pains'!! I was asked if I had taken a hot bath to which my reply was 'No' (our bath was too small for me to cover my bump so was no help) I was put into the bath at the maternity unit and managed 15 minutes tops as the the 'pains' were really bad and I was not coping. I got out and went back to the room I had been allocated to use the gas and air. At this point the midwife came in and told me they will not keep me in as I was not in 'established labour' and that I had to go home. Rob and I were practically escorted from the unit with me in floods of tears and having 'pains' the whole way out. Rob was beside himself and didnt know how best to help and I was in such a state not coping with the pain and so so tired. I was scared and felt totally alone with no help or reassurance from the midwife team.
Sunday 7th March 2010 - Tried to get some sleep in the early hours of the morning to no avail. About 5pm after another full day of 'pains' my mum came round. We are very close and she was worried because she had not heard from me. As far as I was concerned I was now in the full throws of labour but lets say I was having some bloody painful 'pains' I was so pleased to see my mum and I asked her to stay with me (she is a nurse and I finally felt safe!) she checked with Rob that he was happy for her to stay; he was more than willing to let her take over (he went and had a few tears so I'm told, he felt so useless) to cut a long story short my mum walked me through a number of hours full of 'pains' which were gradually getting a lot stronger and closer together. I wonder now what the neighbours must have thought as I was not quiet. My mum rubbed my back, kept me calm, made me drink and eat to keep my energy up. The whole time this was happening I kept telling her that I thought the 'pains' were not anything and that the midwives will come and tell me I haven't progressed and leave me again. Mum of course reassured me the 'pains' must be doing something to be that strong.
After my mum and I had decided the 'pains' were strong enough and close enough to warrant calling the unit my mum did. After the call was made the contractions dissapeared so I was running up and down our stairs to try and bring them back on. They sent a midwife and student midwife out to our flat (I think so they didn't have to send me home again!) It was the same midwife I had seen the Saturday night (who had escorted me off the premises), her first words were ''We thought you would have had this baby by now'' (one of the many signs something was not right) Whilst the midwife was with me the 'pains' were steadily building back up. She took my blood pressure which was slightly high but not worryingly high . She examined me and yes you guessed it still 1-2cm not moved from Saturday night (was the same midwife). They stayed with me at the request of their superior at the unit. The 'pains' built up and were coming back to back with no break in-between. As my blood pressure was to high for the midwife led unit the hospital was called as I had requested pain relief. I was then told they were to busy to have me in and was wanted me to stay at home until early Monday morning about 4 hours away! At this point my mum lost it with the midwife and said ''If this was your daughter in this much pain where would you want her to be, you cant leave her again with no pain relief'' (my mum can be a scary lady) the midwife sheepily made a call to the unit and then told us if I can rest in-between contractions and get my blood pressure low enough they would take me in and give me pethadine. I ended up saying some choice words before I had a massive nose bleed, my blood pressure had gone through the roof and the midwife begrudgingly said 'well your going to have to go into the hospital now arent you' and made the call for them to expect me.
My mum put me in a kaftan (i was naked up until this point lol) and I walked out of the house in my trainers with a duvet round me. I sat in the back passengers foot well leaning over the back seat while my mum rubbed my back to ease the contractions. I've never been so thankful for Robs speedy driving. When we got to the hospital my mum and I got out and went in while Rob parked the car.
At this point it is now the very early hours of Monday 8th March 2010 (00.00am) .We rang the bell and they took ages to answer I remember saying to my mum that if they dont let me in soon i'm laying down in this corridor and not moving. I was taken through to a room and given gas and air (I was a bit spaced out and silly on this). Finally I was almost pain free the midwife asked if she could strap a monitor to me and I said something like 'I've got pain reief now do what you like'. I was attached to a monitor and they put a needle in my hand for a drip (im needle phobic lol). Rob had joined us by now and I said to my mum 'they cant send me home now I've got this in my hand can they, I cant go home again' she told me she would do her best to make sure they didnt send me home.
So i'm on a bed; Rob one side mum the other and every time I have a 'pain' I can hear the monitor of babies heartbeat slowing almost to a stop. I can see my mum is concerned so I started to hold my breath for every contraction and wiggle my feet like mad until I heard the babies heartbeat come back up. People keep coming in and out looking at the monitor and finally an internal monitor is used which attaches to babys head as they wanted a better reading. Finally it was confirmed I was actually in labour so I can now officially call the 'pains' contractions. The midwife and consultant kept saying they wanted to break my waters but there was always something stopping the doing it 'we want to break your waters BUT....' in the end my mum said to the midwife 'if her water needs breaking just do it and stop putting it off' so my waters were broken, they were pure mechonium no water in sight, now we all knew that was a sign of distress and with that and the monitor readings I was worried. I remember asking my mum while a bit high on the G&A if my baby was going to die? I dont remember her answer or if she even gave one.
I was examined and was 4cm dilated. Finally I had made some progress!! All this time I had been puffing away on gas and air and had already got through 2 large canisters. I was on the 3rd when the contractions kicked up a notch and gas and air just wasnt cutting it so I called for a epidural. I was given a sheet to read about risks etc which I scanned the midwife laughed and said I needed to read it properly so I did and signed to say I wanted it. Then another wait with excuses as to why it was taking so long. unbeknown to me mum had another word with the midwife and low and behold I was next on her list for an epidural lol.
They sat me up and put the epidural in stopping for contractions along the way. I remember hearing tthe monitor drop more that it had before and the midwife saying 'oh we have a very exited baby here' and then being led back down to try and get baby's heart rate back up. The aneathatist was warning them against lying me down as it can make epidural travel up towards lungs instead of down to legs.
What happend next is a bit of a blur. My mum had yet more words to the effect of 'whats the dfference between exited and distressed this baby needs out now!' the Dr in charge came in looked at the monitor and told the anethatist to put the whole dose of aneastetic in. I was stripped off, shaved and put in a gown within minutes. The midwfe visually sized Rob up and got him bright blue scrubs, heeled shoes and a yellow hat. The next thing I know im in theatre. I was told if I was not fully numb by the time we got to theatre I wuld be knocked out compeatly for the caesarean. They used a cold spary up each leg to check I was numb and a screen was put up acress my chest so I couldnt see the buisness end. I had one arm out straight and one by my side and the aneathatist was checking my blood pressure and trying to relax me. Rob was at my side I a minute and then the operation began.
My baby was out within minutes and we were told she was a girl, we were both convinced I was having a boy but I was over the moon. Robs eyes were watering; apparently he had something in his eye lol. My baby was not making any noise and I was asking if she was OK. Rob was blocking my view of what was happening and would not let me see. Finally we heard our baby girl cry. I only found out after that she was not breathing due to injesting meconium anf that they couldnt suction her because it wasn't working (I was fuming this should be checked before I was even opened up!) I was offered my baby to hold but my arms were so shaky I declined and she was handed to Rob who sat proudly beside me with his daughter so I could see her and stroke her cheek. All too soon they were sent out while I was stitched up and cleaned a bit. I remember talk of the soaps from the theatre staff but not much else. I have an image of the bed used though it tips side to side and I remember being so scare they would tip me off lol.
 |
| Madison Ann Carter |
I was then wheeled into recovery and my baby was put to the breast. I was so tired I dint pay any attention to her at all she was just there. Im getting emotional now remembering it. They wouldn't let me dress her as her temp was high so they kept her in just a nappy and her cute pink hat. When I was told I could dress her I said 'you do it' and just held her up to mum and Rob (I feel so awful saying that was what happened but I was so so tired) We had two names short-listed which were.... Lydia and Madison I told Rob to choose and name his daughter. We agreed she didn't look like a Lydia so Madison finally had her name.
A nurse came round and washed my 'bits' and let me have a wash and clean my teeth. I had no knickers on still just a pad thrust between my legs as I couldn't get out of bed due to the epidural. My bags and Madison were loaded onto the bed and I was taken up to the ward. A few hours later a nurse came and took out the cathater (standard with a c-section) and got me out of bed. I was taken to the bathroom sat on a bede (bum washer lol) and told to wash myself and replace my pad and have a proper wash. I was not allowed a shower yet because I was only just up and walking!
I spent the day with Rob and Madison just relaxing and getting to know my daughter. My dad, his partner and my brother came in at afternoon visiting to meet the new additon. Robs parents, sister and my mum and her partner along with my grandparents and step grandparents came in the evening. I had so many gifts and lots of pink much to Robs delight.
The above video is one I have not shown many people i'm a bit embarassed how little attention I pay to my newborn daughter but it's clear to see how tired I was. It made me feel a little better when I saw this as I thought I had totally ignored her but I do speak to her.
Throughout my whole pregnancy and my labour I felt totally let down by the professionals. I have been told I would be able to try for a Vaginal delivery if i decide to have a second baby but I would be classed as a 'high-risk'. when a compliant was made about the three days I was left in pain I was told I was having a long latent phase. If this was correct then surly I would not have ended up with a emergency caesarean?! I guess I will never know as no-one will claim responsibility for the treatment I received. As a first time mum I was scared and trusting those people who were there to make me feel safe and secure.
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