Are you Mad?!

After reading a post by a friend about her reasons for only having one child it got me to thinking about my own reasons for wanting two. As i've been struggling with the thought of baby no2 (due in Jan 2013) this has been therapeutic for me as well.

I've known from a fairly young age that I wanted more than one child. As a teenager I guess this was because I was one of a pair; my brother & I. It was the 'norm'.

Growing older & ultimately having Madison changed my mind on this. I have nothing against people choosing to have only one child for medical reasons or through personal choice, financial restrictions etc. I fully understand that one child will usually be able to do all the extra curricular activities, school trips, family holidays etc and perhaps my two children will end up missing out on some of these things though I will try my hardest to make sure they do not.

I do not feel I have missed out on anything due to having a sibling, we both did after school clubs, school trips & had family holidays. We have always been treated the same as far as possible by our parents; although both my brother & I have at various times through the years felt left out. In my adult years looking back this wasn't the case it just felt like it at the time.

My reasons now for wanting a second child is for Madison. Yes to start with bringing a new baby into the house will turn her world and mine upside down & rock the boat. It WILL be hard there WILL be tears both hers and mine.....

BUT when I am no longer around I want Madison to have someone she can turn to, that knows her & her up-bringing that has been there from the start, that she shares memories with of her childhood of me of events in her life before any partner or children she may go on to have and visa versa for the 'new baby'. These are my own personal feelings and I do not wish to offend anyone who feels differently but these are my honest reasons for wanting a second child.

I am lucky to have a decent relationship with my brother........now. It wasn't always that way believe me but he always has my back and I his even if we weren't on the best of terms. I want Madison to have that & experience that.

At the moment I am 32 weeks pregnant & worry everyday if I have done the 'right' thing in having a second baby. I was pointed to this poem (I cannot take credit for it as i did not write it) It struck a cord with me & made me feel better about my decision & strengthened my belief in my reasons for baby No2.

Loving Two

I walk along holding your 2-year-old hand, basking in the glow of our magical relationship. Suddenly I feel a kick from within, as if to remind me that our time alone is limited. And I wonder: how could I ever love another child as I love you?

Then she is born, and I watch you. I watch the pain you feel at having to share me as youve never shared me before.

I hear you telling me in your own way, Please love only me. And I hear myself telling you in mine, I cant, knowing, in fact, that I never can again.

You cry. I cry with you. I almost see our new baby as an intruder on the precious relationship we once shared. A relationship we can never quite have again.

But then, barely noticing, I find myself attached to that new being, and feeling almost guilty. Im afraid to let you see me enjoying her as though I am betraying you.

But then I notice your resentment change, first to curiosity, then to protectiveness, finally to genuine affection.

More days pass, and we are settling into a new routine. The memory of days with just the two of us is fading fast.

But something else is replacing those wonderful times we shared, just we two. There are new times only now, we are three. I watch the love between you grow, the way you look at each other, touch each other.

I watch how she adores you as I have for so long. I see how excited you are by each of her new accomplishments. And I begin to realize that I havent taken something from you, Ive given something to you. I notice that I am no longer afraid to share my love openly with both of you. I find that my love for each of you is as different as you are, but equally strong. And my question is finally answered, to my amazement. Yes, I can love another child as much as I love you only differently.

And although I realize that you may have to share my time, I now know youll never share my love. There is enough of that for both of you .you each have your own supply.

I love you-both. And I thank you both for blessing my life.

Author Unknown


I'm sure there will be times over the coming years when I think how much easier life would have been with just one child but i'm hoping watching my TWO babies play together will change my mind & reinforce my decision to have more than one child. Watch this space it's sure to ne a rocky ride ;-)

First day of Pre-School

Dear Madison,

Today was your first session at pre-school. You are doing Wednesday & Thursday afternoons. Just 3 hour sessions but boy do I miss you.

You were such a good girl today we went to the shops in the morning to pick up your new big girl back pack to take with you & then we had some lunch before leaving for school.

You kept saying you felt sick & were shy but I kept explaining to you what would happen & that you would have lots of children & toys to play with & you settled down.

We parked a little way away from the school so we could have a little walk & time together. You were so exited to wear your backpack ;-)

When we got into the school we were taken to see Becky, your key worker. Becky had been to our house to meet you so was a friendly face. You did go shy & asked to be picked up but it didn't last long.

Becky had left you with a little pink box when she visited you at home that you were to return on your first day. You excitedly got it out of your new bag & gave it back to Becky. We went & sat by the other children & said hello & then Becky took you to show you some toys.

You played happily with Becky & mummy watched from a distance. You came back to find me a couple of times but I was able to engage you in playing without me again. After 15 minutes I came & told you I was going to do some jobs at home & that I would be back to get you later. I gave you & kiss & cuddle & left. You were such a big girl no tears at all.

Mummy had a little cry; it was the first time i've left you for so long with no real reason & not with a member of our family. Mummy called to check on you a little while later. I was told you were painting & playing with play dough. You apparently had a few tears but were easily distracted away from being upset.

Mummy is SO proud of you for being such a big girl & taking to pre-school so well. I loved coming to pick you up with daddy & hearing about all the things you had been up too.

I was presented with a big painting that you had done & told how well you were doing settling in. You had one accident with toileting but had a successful wee & poo too ;-)

On the way home in the car you told us that you had taken a piece of puzzle away from a little boy & then ran away & that the lady 'catched you' & gave the puzzle back to the little boy. We discussed sharing & I hope pre-school will help reinforce the lessons i've tried to teach you about sharing.

Mummy hopes that your second session will go just as well & that you will not be upset to be left & happily go onto pre-school waving me off with your cheeky smile. You said at bedtime you didn't want to go again but changed your mind 5 mins later. Time will tell & I hope each week it will be easier for you & mummy.

I know this change is for the best & will help you to grow & develop more than staying with mummy all day ever could. Mummy is immensely proud of you anyway baby girl & you give me more reasons to be every day!!

Mummy loves you to the moon & back Madison, ALWAYS!!!

xxxx