I've known from a fairly young age that I wanted more than one child. As a teenager I guess this was because I was one of a pair; my brother & I. It was the 'norm'.
Growing older & ultimately having Madison changed my mind on this. I have nothing against people choosing to have only one child for medical reasons or through personal choice, financial restrictions etc. I fully understand that one child will usually be able to do all the extra curricular activities, school trips, family holidays etc and perhaps my two children will end up missing out on some of these things though I will try my hardest to make sure they do not.
I do not feel I have missed out on anything due to having a sibling, we both did after school clubs, school trips & had family holidays. We have always been treated the same as far as possible by our parents; although both my brother & I have at various times through the years felt left out. In my adult years looking back this wasn't the case it just felt like it at the time.
My reasons now for wanting a second child is for Madison. Yes to start with bringing a new baby into the house will turn her world and mine upside down & rock the boat. It WILL be hard there WILL be tears both hers and mine.....
BUT when I am no longer around I want Madison to have someone she can turn to, that knows her & her up-bringing that has been there from the start, that she shares memories with of her childhood of me of events in her life before any partner or children she may go on to have and visa versa for the 'new baby'. These are my own personal feelings and I do not wish to offend anyone who feels differently but these are my honest reasons for wanting a second child.
I am lucky to have a decent relationship with my brother........now. It wasn't always that way believe me but he always has my back and I his even if we weren't on the best of terms. I want Madison to have that & experience that.
At the moment I am 32 weeks pregnant & worry everyday if I have done the 'right' thing in having a second baby. I was pointed to this poem (I cannot take credit for it as i did not write it) It struck a cord with me & made me feel better about my decision & strengthened my belief in my reasons for baby No2.
Loving Two
I walk along holding your 2-year-old hand, basking in the glow of our magical relationship. Suddenly I feel a kick from within, as if to remind me that our time alone is limited. And I wonder: how could I ever love another child as I love you?
Then she is born, and I watch you. I watch the pain you feel at having to share me as youve never shared me before.
I hear you telling me in your own way, Please love only me. And I hear myself telling you in mine, I cant, knowing, in fact, that I never can again.
You cry. I cry with you. I almost see our new baby as an intruder on the precious relationship we once shared. A relationship we can never quite have again.
But then, barely noticing, I find myself attached to that new being, and feeling almost guilty. Im afraid to let you see me enjoying her as though I am betraying you.
But then I notice your resentment change, first to curiosity, then to protectiveness, finally to genuine affection.
More days pass, and we are settling into a new routine. The memory of days with just the two of us is fading fast.
But something else is replacing those wonderful times we shared, just we two. There are new times only now, we are three. I watch the love between you grow, the way you look at each other, touch each other.
I watch how she adores you as I have for so long. I see how excited you are by each of her new accomplishments. And I begin to realize that I havent taken something from you, Ive given something to you. I notice that I am no longer afraid to share my love openly with both of you. I find that my love for each of you is as different as you are, but equally strong. And my question is finally answered, to my amazement. Yes, I can love another child as much as I love you only differently.
And although I realize that you may have to share my time, I now know youll never share my love. There is enough of that for both of you .you each have your own supply.
I love you-both. And I thank you both for blessing my life.
Author Unknown
I'm sure there will be times over the coming years when I think how much easier life would have been with just one child but i'm hoping watching my TWO babies play together will change my mind & reinforce my decision to have more than one child. Watch this space it's sure to ne a rocky ride ;-)
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